Post by Mortimer Edison on Dec 14, 2008 9:56:03 GMT -5
Hello kids, and welcome to Uncel Bernsa's pedovan magical time machine. Since the idea of this new site is to recruit some new people, I thought it'd be a good idea to give you the rundown of some of the important stuff that happened on the old site. I only joined the original site a couple months in, and I'm only human, so I'm probably going to miss quite a lot, and a lot of this stuff will probably be about my main character, Mort. That having been said, any veterans can feel free to add to or correct this thread in any way to help bring people up to scratch. Of course, the best way to catch up would be to check out the original site, but who wants to spend several days looking through countless threads of boring posts when you can read a hilariously inaccurate summary, right? Lulz.
Ezra Hart, Jackson Whateverthefuck and Daileh Few (who are all demons except for Dai, who is half human) decided to start killing people for the lulz. Everyone got scared, and one teacher called in supercop Drayke, who immediately began his search forhot teen poon evidence. (You might want to remember what evidence means, it gets used quite a bit.) Everybody hated Drayke. More people died. Evil demon arsehole supergenius Mort arrived. Humans Xio and Evan made a soppy, romantic thread, but didnt have sex.
Mort had sex withthree people everyone. Mort tried turning everyone against everyone else. Mort decided to make Ezra's life hell, then kill him. Ezra's boyfriend Sammii Knowell(maybe) found out about Ezra's murders and got sad. Ezra had sex with him and made him happy again. Drayke told Sammii he looked like a girl. Sammii got sad. Ezra had sex with him and made him happy again. Do not call Sammii a girl. Ever. If you do, Snickay will eat you. Blair Whocareslol, who, in fact, is not a witch (le gasp!) got raped by some unidentified desperate guy. She gave birth, nursed the kid for about two weeks, then got bored of it and shipped it off to her parents.
Mort met Dai, told her he wanted to help her and theothers A-Team kill people. It was love at first death threat. Later, Dai thought it would be fun to try and raise an army of zombies, which ended up attacking the castle. Apparently everybody died, because the thread ended on page two. Eventually one of Mort's one night stands, Kjara von Rael(?), found out she was pregnant. Dai, who was not yet going out with Mort, got jealous had a fight with Kjara, held up a knife in self-defense, then "accidentally" stabbed KJ, aborting the little hellspawn. Mort was relieved. Then Dai told him he was heartless and he got sad. Soon afterwards Ezra warned Mort not to hurt Dai and they got into a fight. Ezra tried stabbing Mort in the heart, but then they realized he didn't actually have one. Mort lol'd, then thought it'd be fun to literally steal Ez's heart.
Suddenly finding himself with a heart, Mort lost his sluttiness and figured out he loved Dai, and decided to tell her. Over and over. Meanwhile, the opposite happened to Ezra, making him a gigantic manwhore who slept with pretty much everyone. Sam was sad and tried to commit suicide, but hisfag hag friend Dani Dontaskmeherlastname, with whom he had fallen out, just so happened to be around to stop him. This made Sammii happy again. Some time around then Sav told people that she found a gigantic flag. I thought she said "gigantic fag". This made everybody lol. Bernard the Gigantic Fag now lives in Sav's room. (Remember that, there's gonna be a quiz on this later.) Xio and Evan made another soppy, romantic thread. They still didn't have sex.
Meanwhile, back in Winterthorne, Dai finally agreed to date Mort, but only if he'd give up sex for ten days. For some reason she agreed to do it too. A shapeshifter named Cara Somethingorother arrived at the school and tried to fuck Mort, but since he had Ezra's heart he refused. She got a crush on him and was later impregnated by a squirrel. Everybody lol'd. Mort got drunk and she lost one of her four squirrel-human fetuses. Everybody lol'd. She then got into a fight with Dai, who punched her in the stomach, aborting another squirrel-baby fetus. Everybody lol'd. Mort took Cara to Eurodisney (lulz) where they told each other their deepest darkest secrets, including the heart incident which even Dai didn't know about. She convinced him to give Ezra his heart back. Some time after that when Mort was being all emo and heart-y Ezra fucked him. This made him sad.
Dai and Mort finally became official about thirty days after they had agreed to. He then gave Ezra his heart back. This made him happier than Ez, who had gotten used to having an excuse to do anything. Sammii, who had been staying with his brother, returned to Winterthorne and got back together with Ez. Dai and Mort fucked for the first time. Cara gave birth to two mutant squirrel babies. Finding motherhood to be a little bit shit, she dumped the little freaks off at her mother's. This made Mort sad, since he was looking forward to helping to raise a pair of evil, shape-shifting squirrels. Ezra's sister Tia soon arrived at Winterthorne. After a bit of casual sex, Tia met Jackson, who she quicklyfucked charmed and went out with. This made Ezra sad.
Back in ooc land, one of the most beautiful profiles ever written was submitted, but somehow managed to fail the incredibly strict, rigorous standards of the application system. If you do not somehow find a way to read it, you will forever be a filthy bustard who may accidentally blow up the world with your powers. You also won't be able to wash your own hair.
An incredibly original and unique vampire/werewolf hybrid named Charlotte Imawhore arrived and fucked a bunch of people. She then tried to sleep with Mort, who by some miracle managed to turn her down twice. Around this time Mort decided he wanted to be Death, and through a mostly pointless and convoluted subplot managed to drink the blood of five people who represented the seven sins, thus giving him some cheap, shitty powers. Since he represented another sin, he only had to drink one more person's blood, who just so happened to be Charlotte. Charlotte overheard Mort telling Dai this and came to the conclusion that he wanted to kill her, while in reality he simply wanted to get in her panties.
In the aforementioned process, Mort managed to anger the incredibly fit and attractive Gladys. Her blood tasted like a mix of sugar and fried chicken, and instantly gave Mort diabeetus. Somehow Mort managed to convince Gladys that almost everyone except him tasted delicious, triggering several incredibly disturbing sequences involving jelly wrestling and baby clothes. Hilarity ensued. Gladys is still at large (pun totally intended).
Later, Dai suspected Mort of cheating on her with Charlotte, and so she decided to fuck Jackson. Naturally, Mort found out soon after, got upset, and (ironically) fucked Charlotte, Cara and some other girl called Kira that nobody knows nor cares about. After a whole lot of casual sex on everyone's part (Dai found a respectable young drug addict named Joe Cokesnorter), Dai and Mort eventually got back together. Mort still doesn't have Charlotte's blood. Jackson and Tia may or may not still be together. Sammii is still putting up with Ezra's shit. There was a Halloween party that only Sam and Ez went to. Oh, and Xio and Evan made another soppy, romantic thread.
They still haven't had sex.[/endsummary]
...Okay, so now that I've written it I've realised that it's even more narcissistic, narrow and inaccurate than I ever could've hoped for, so I guess I can only hope that nobody will get too pissed off and will just add corrections and other info instead.
However, if for some insane reason you did enjoy it, please let me know, as that was one of my primary reasons for writing this.
Ezra Hart, Jackson Whateverthefuck and Daileh Few (who are all demons except for Dai, who is half human) decided to start killing people for the lulz. Everyone got scared, and one teacher called in supercop Drayke, who immediately began his search for
Mort had sex with
Mort met Dai, told her he wanted to help her and the
Suddenly finding himself with a heart, Mort lost his sluttiness and figured out he loved Dai, and decided to tell her. Over and over. Meanwhile, the opposite happened to Ezra, making him a gigantic manwhore who slept with pretty much everyone. Sam was sad and tried to commit suicide, but his
Meanwhile, back in Winterthorne, Dai finally agreed to date Mort, but only if he'd give up sex for ten days. For some reason she agreed to do it too. A shapeshifter named Cara Somethingorother arrived at the school and tried to fuck Mort, but since he had Ezra's heart he refused. She got a crush on him and was later impregnated by a squirrel. Everybody lol'd. Mort got drunk and she lost one of her four squirrel-human fetuses. Everybody lol'd. She then got into a fight with Dai, who punched her in the stomach, aborting another squirrel-baby fetus. Everybody lol'd. Mort took Cara to Eurodisney (lulz) where they told each other their deepest darkest secrets, including the heart incident which even Dai didn't know about. She convinced him to give Ezra his heart back. Some time after that when Mort was being all emo and heart-y Ezra fucked him. This made him sad.
Dai and Mort finally became official about thirty days after they had agreed to. He then gave Ezra his heart back. This made him happier than Ez, who had gotten used to having an excuse to do anything. Sammii, who had been staying with his brother, returned to Winterthorne and got back together with Ez. Dai and Mort fucked for the first time. Cara gave birth to two mutant squirrel babies. Finding motherhood to be a little bit shit, she dumped the little freaks off at her mother's. This made Mort sad, since he was looking forward to helping to raise a pair of evil, shape-shifting squirrels. Ezra's sister Tia soon arrived at Winterthorne. After a bit of casual sex, Tia met Jackson, who she quickly
Back in ooc land, one of the most beautiful profiles ever written was submitted, but somehow managed to fail the incredibly strict, rigorous standards of the application system. If you do not somehow find a way to read it, you will forever be a filthy bustard who may accidentally blow up the world with your powers. You also won't be able to wash your own hair.
An incredibly original and unique vampire/werewolf hybrid named Charlotte Imawhore arrived and fucked a bunch of people. She then tried to sleep with Mort, who by some miracle managed to turn her down twice. Around this time Mort decided he wanted to be Death, and through a mostly pointless and convoluted subplot managed to drink the blood of five people who represented the seven sins, thus giving him some cheap, shitty powers. Since he represented another sin, he only had to drink one more person's blood, who just so happened to be Charlotte. Charlotte overheard Mort telling Dai this and came to the conclusion that he wanted to kill her, while in reality he simply wanted to get in her panties.
In the aforementioned process, Mort managed to anger the incredibly fit and attractive Gladys. Her blood tasted like a mix of sugar and fried chicken, and instantly gave Mort diabeetus. Somehow Mort managed to convince Gladys that almost everyone except him tasted delicious, triggering several incredibly disturbing sequences involving jelly wrestling and baby clothes. Hilarity ensued. Gladys is still at large (pun totally intended).
Later, Dai suspected Mort of cheating on her with Charlotte, and so she decided to fuck Jackson. Naturally, Mort found out soon after, got upset, and (ironically) fucked Charlotte, Cara and some other girl called Kira that nobody knows nor cares about. After a whole lot of casual sex on everyone's part (Dai found a respectable young drug addict named Joe Cokesnorter), Dai and Mort eventually got back together. Mort still doesn't have Charlotte's blood. Jackson and Tia may or may not still be together. Sammii is still putting up with Ezra's shit. There was a Halloween party that only Sam and Ez went to. Oh, and Xio and Evan made another soppy, romantic thread.
They still haven't had sex.[/endsummary]
...Okay, so now that I've written it I've realised that it's even more narcissistic, narrow and inaccurate than I ever could've hoped for, so I guess I can only hope that nobody will get too pissed off and will just add corrections and other info instead.
However, if for some insane reason you did enjoy it, please let me know, as that was one of my primary reasons for writing this.
